Lived Experience Forum

[Sahara]

Thanks @TAB.

I'm sorry that this all sounds familiar to you. It is such a sad time. 

How is your Dad going? 

I am waiting for my Sis to answer my text message now, to see how my Dad is this morning. I think there was some fear that he might pass over during the night. 

[Sahara]

I got a few text messages from my Sis- my Dad is still with us - just very, very weak and he may not be able to get out of bed today.

It's hard to tell how my Sis is feeling via text massages, but she may well be regretting her decision to bring my Dad home, I don't know. No point in speculating, is there? 

Wow, this whole situation has brought up a lot of conflicting emotions in me! I realize that I am a very angry person inside. I'm not sure what to do.

I am angry at my Bro for not being there for my Dad, before this time. I know he is there now, but he is not doing a lot.... my Sis is doing it all and looking after my Bro as well. Still, I guess that is not my concern. I can't help that she has decided to wait hand and foot on my Bro, and not ask him to pull his own weight, in caring for my Dad. That is her trouble, not mine. I have warned her.

I'll just bet that she is afraid of him, too.

Bro even went out to a concert, the night before last.

I am angry at my Sis for not being around when my Mum was dying. She was always working and wouldn't take any time away. I was the one who was there as a support for my Dad during that time. She was oblivious to everything.... all she could do was hide behind her computer screen. Just working non-stop.

I am angry at my Bro for always saying "There is nothing wrong with Dad. He has a cold, that's all." When he actually had cancer. I wanted Dad to go to the doctor, but my Bro said "He doesn't need a doctor" and refused to take Dad or to encourage Dad to go in. Then a month later, I saw Dad and saw what shocking condition he was in.... I could not believe my Sis and my Bro had been living in the same town all that time, but not even noticed that Dad was so sick. 

But then my Sis probably barely took her eyes off her computer screen, so why would she notice? 

My Bro has no idea about anything, either. He just lives in complete denial. 

He wants to go away for the weekend this coming Friday and wants me to be there to look after Dad. But I never agreed to bring Dad home form hospital.... I never agreed to nurse him at home. I didn't believe it was safe. I don't see why my Bro shouldn't just cancel his trip, as he was the one who wanted to bring Dad home. 

I am angry at my Dad too. I guess because he never saved me from my Mum, who was a tyrant. He always enabled her to go on being nasty and aggressive. He just took off and did his own thing and had a good time.I was the one left to try and placate my Mum. Mission impossible! 

You can see that I am angry this morning!

[TAB]

I should ask re Dad. Im terrible Im 2000ks away . Sister usually informs re goings on. Laay heard maybe a week ago that he was 'ok' which means hip better but assisted walking plus on oxygen. Heart has been failing last 15yrs probably @Sahara

[Sahara]

Your Dad sounds very weak and frail, @TAB. He sounds like my Dad, who is also on oxygen. 

I just spoke to my Sis on the phone. Unfortunately, I had to speak to my Bro first, as he answered the land-line. He didn't get a lot of sleep last night - Geez, really? No kidding, Bro? Looking after a dying person is not a walk in the park, is it? Of course you will not get any sleep! What did you think? Like seriously?

I know I sound bitchy; sorry. 

My Dad is kind of Ok... it's hard to tell. It sounds like he is going to attempt to get out of bed now. I hope it goes ok. I hope he doesn't fall over and hurt himself.

I guess I am thinking of going back there in the morning, to try and help out. It will be very trying, as my Sis is having a bit of a nervy attack and my Bro is just a not an ideal person to have to work with. 

[TAB]

I'm still waking up here @Sahara , but hearing you. I'm the useless well but with excuse brother .. umm yeah father was the tyrant/absent father here @Sahara .. sister sent pic to show he was ok other week. He looked ..terrible. Things must be going downhill fast re him seems not long ago ok
October, he was all angry and yelling. He said he was happy to die 10yrs ago. Notso now. He's not taking it well. Anyway will reply more later when wake up more @Sahara

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sahara and @TAB

Sounds like you are both having similar struggles. Sorry to read you are going through same @TAB.

 My best friend and her husband visited us here on Friday late afternoon - they really needed to see us for a lift and the laughs we always have to lift the tension. I am pleased I can help in this small way - my best friend won't let me do anything else but I can see how draining and hard it is for her and her sick husband. It's so hard..

My friend has been offered a new trial chemotherapy drugs for his stage 4 for cancer - if his type of cancers meets the criteria they will treat him with this new drug for free. Apparently it has less side effects and some good results so far. Praying hard this will work out for them. At least the last couple of days his pain has lifted - so happy about this!!

I hope things will go a bit easier on you @Sahara when you return to your Dads. All we can do is our best my friend. Please get some much needed rest as you are right - nursing a dying person is emotionally and physically draining. But the main thing in the end is that there are no regrets. Sending you a warm hug 🤗 ❤️

[TAB]

Its more selfish with me @Former-Member yes it it does affect me. No am not doing much except trying to offer moral support from the sidelines.

[Former-Member]

Moral support goes a long way @TAB. I like your honesty, that goes a long way too x

[TAB]

Im nothing if not honest @Former-Member I have no great feelings for my father. Spent a lot of my life trying and failing to be like him and to perhaps understand him. I just feel sorry for him as a person who is old and failing

[Former-Member]

I feel for anyone in his situation too @TAB - life is hard enough let alone to endure it in constant pain and a body that is failing. This can make some very cranky and difficult to be around.....I try to suffer in silence when in pain.

Your dad may not express this, but ultimately he would be proud of you for your empathy - that's what makes a person truely successful as a human being. The rest does not really matter. x