Lived Experience Forum

[Flibbertigibbet]

So I wasn't diagnosed with BPD  until my early 30's.
Lived with severe depression, PTSD and ADD

My life hasn't been great and on top of abusive parents, didn't finish school because of bullying, abusive partners, repeated car accidents (always the passenger, I dont ever want to drive now), then having my niece and best friend die in a year in top of being domestically abused.

I've never been given therapy or offfered it in my childhood and as I got older and learned the only person who cared ab out me was me, therapy was priced out the worse I got and now I don't even want to try because I don't have a stable life to get better in.

Tried to start a new life somewhere else only to have people decide they didn't want to move and left me stranded in another state with nothing.
Met new partner, spent 7 years being a mother to a cheating and abusive person.
Be kicked out when they finally find someone else worth kicking me for.
They still have all my stuff and refuse to respond to me.

I am living out of one suitcase and a box.

Now I'm living in another state, in someones loungeroom of their one bedroom unit, I have no friends, no family and no money.
I'm disabled and stuck and have no way out.

I just want somewhere to live by myself for the first time in my life, with a bedroom  and a soft comfy bed and clean bathroom and where everything works. so I can be alone and get better but I can't even access NDIS because I have no forms of I.D to my name or an address with my name on any bills.

No one calls back, social worker has gone AWOL

I don't know what to do.
I follow all the steps, I make the calls, send the emails and it's always something more I have to do and its never enough and I'm really not okay.

I just want somewhere to sleep that is safe and mine. I just want some peace for once in my life.
Can I have a bedroom thats safe. Can I have a home that can stay clean because no one else ruins it.
Can I not be surrounded by abusive people who know I'm too ignorant to help myself so I'm always given the short end of the stick.

I have dreams, I want to do things, But I cant get better if my "home" life is surrounded by drunks, loud noises and no privacy to speak of.

I really don't know what to do anymore

[tyme]

Dear @Flibbertigibbet ,

I'm so so so sorry to hear all this has happened, and upon no fault of your own.

It must be so stressful to be in that situation. 

At the same time, I'm glad you have found us. We are so pleased you have trusted the community here and shared parts of your story.

I, too, live with BPD. I've had a very very MH journey since the age of 17. I was officially diagnosed with BPD when I was in my early 20s. But it didn't make any of it easier.

You deserve all the support you can get. I'm so sorry you don't have any papers or ID, and that your social worker has gone AWOL. That would be someone who'd be able to help you.

Would you be interested in SANE Guided Service? This gives you 1:1 counselling which may help you a little in terms of your emotional wellbeing. https://www.sane.org/referral 

Have you found ways to get ID, or housing?

Please take care, hun.

We are hear for you.

Please also meet other lovely members on the forums. We many not be able to solve your issues, but we CAN be a form of emotional support at this difficult time 

@Shaz51 @Eve7 @Zoe7 @Asgard @MermaidHair @Tilz @Oaktree @ENKELI @PinkFlamingo 

[Oaktree]

@Flibbertigibbet 

Hi and welcome to the forums.

Sounds like you are going through a very difficult time but good news is there is only up from here. So sorry for your experience with domestic violence. I wish you luck finding a place to call your own

[Shaz51]

Hello and welcome @Flibbertigibbet 

Here for you my friend ❤️ 

[PinkFlamingo]

hey there @Flibbertigibbet 💜

Im so sorry to hear about what youre going through, it's heartbreaking and crushing. I can totally understand why you feel the way you do 💜

I have lived with DV and homelessness, and it's very difficult. I also didn't have my own ID at that time, and so accessing anything was very challenging. 

Sending you a massive hug 🤗 and holding space along side you... feel free to tag me if youd like to chat some more..🌺

[NatureLover]

Ohhhh @Flibbertigibbet , I really feel for you 😭

I don't know what to suggest, but I'm sending wishes for you, for all those things you mentioned... 

[Carlo]

Sorry to hear that @Flibbertigibbet 

There are no easy solutions to such complex issues.

Hoping time and research gives you some resolution.

[Zoe7]

Hey @Flibbertigibbet That is a lot and you should not have to be dealing with all that on your own. Your social worker going AWOL is absolutely not on. Can you request a new worker to help you out? @tyme has suggested SANE's Guided Service and I can attest to the care and compassion of the counsellors who work in that service. As it is all done over the phone then it is something you may want to explore as it doesn't matter where you are as it is just a phone call.

Aside from all that you have had to endure, I also hear hope in your post. I know first hand how hard it is to keep hope when going through so much so that really is a positive thing in your life. Having dreams and goals is great - it is never easy to hold onto those when your life is falling apart but if you can do that along the way then it will really help in other areas.

I hope for you all that you need/want in life. As much as we cannot 'fix' anything here for you, we are here to support you so please reach out when you can/need.

[Tilz]

 welcome to the forum  @Flibbertigibbet . Im so sorry to hear that. How are you doing now? Is every thing fine? Are you in a safe place now?