Lived Experience Forum

[Rosemary4]

Thanks @AFK & Greenpea, appreciate your replies.
Had a scatty day today, didn't finish anything. Caos in every room this last few weeks for some reason. Working through something. You guys sound fairly together over all. I'm watching FINCH at the moment. Tom Hanks, interesting, sad.
Catch up tomorrow

[AFK]

No worries, @Rosemary4.

Scatty days are pretty normal with ADHD. "Together" is a relative term. Some days I am, some days not so much. On the subject of chaos in every room... I know it's a bit of a fad going around lately, but long before I heard the term I was a bit of a minimalist. The fad's just given me some more resources to make it easier. The idea is, less stuff = less cleaning, less organising, less cost (and therefore less time at work), and ultimately less chaos. I still struggle, but way less than I did in any periods when I had loads of stuff. Maybe there's some junk you can get rid of to lighten your load? Apologies if my thoughts don't seem appropriate, but bear with me - you said you're working through some stuff. I find with less physical stuff to worry about, I'm more able to sort through my mental stuff. Housework burdens my mind terribly, and I think that's pretty normal with ADHD. Hope that makes sense. 

Kind thoughts,

AFK. 

[Rosemary4]

Makes total sense @AFK thank you. I am reeeeeely trying hard to get rid of stuff. I don't know why I gather so much weighing me down. I'd like to be a minimalist. Less worries... I don't know why I've bedened myself down do. Really working on it at the moment. Put 5 things on gumtree today. Putboldvoutdoor setting in footpath (for freeby pickup Trying 😏

[AFK]

Hi @Rosemary4,

You said "I don't know why I gather so much weighing me down". The thing about that is, it tends not to be intentional. Stuff comes into our lives. We get gifts, we take advantage of "free" stuff we think we might need later, we get piles of paperwork we don't always know what to do with... ADHD can make dealing with all that stuff all the harder. And let's face it, we're more prone than most to impulse purchases, too. If you're anything like me, you struggle with housework. The disheswashingcooking monster is an endless, all consuming nightmare that rarely allows you to get to any other tasks like decluttering (time blindness and distractability play into this - those basic jobs take up way more time than they should). As such I spent my 20s moving from one rental place to another dragging around boxes and bags of stuff that went straight into the shed or the spare room and never got looked at.

I hit a point when I broke up with my ex that got me into gear. He left so much of his junk behind I just started flinging it into the carport to worry about later. Once the pile was there it became a go-to. When I noticed old things of mine I didn't want or had no idea why I even had them, out to the carport they went. There was a mountain of stuff I don't really know how I accumulated given I was poor as and not that inclined to shopping sprees. Eventually it all went into a skip. That was a really freeing and therapeutic experience. Importantly for the ADHD side of things, it didn't involve much work though the process of removing the items from the house, I just dumped things on the pile over a year or so.

Now I have things in place to help stop the accumulation from happening again. I have a bag by the door for anything I want to take to the op shop, a bin for paperwork with personal details (destined for the shredder), and I make sure to open mail as I get it and any envelopes or junk mail go straight in the recycling. Important mail has an inbox. All these things really help keep my household under control, and gives it some vague sense of manageability. My state of mind is the better for it.

Great work listing stuff on Gumtree and putting some bits on the curb for whoever wants them. It counts. 

AFK. 

[Shaz51]

Hello @greenspace , @Rosemary4 , @AFK , @Jynx 

@Malus 

How are you going today 

[AFK]

Hey @Shaz51 ,

Difficult couple of weeks to be honest. On topic, both the good and bad ADHD stuff has come out to play - all my executive dysfunction has made things nightmarish with my partner in hospital and trying to keep the household in order and birds fed and cared for. On the flip side, that powerhouse of stress-handling ability (my inner Hulk) pushed me to do the stuff I've had to do through it all and not (quite) fall in a heap.

How you doing?

AFK.

[greenspace]

Hi @Shaz51 , thanks for checking in. 

I'm really up & down, like, big jumps in mood several times a day, most days. Probably from a combination of factors -- working on making changes, fear of change, outside influences, meds...  Overall, I'm going okay 🙂 

How are you?

[greenspace]

Sorry to hear that your partner is in hospital and you're under so much stress  @AFK  I hope the hospital stay isn't long and that it has a positive outcome. 

I hope the birds are bringing you joy as well as needing to be looked after. 

[Shaz51]

morning @AFK , @greenspace 

@greenspace, my partner has the fear of change,, so sending you understanding hugs and take one step at a time my friend 

Sorry to hear that your partner is in hospital and you're under so much stress too @AFK , remember to include your self care too my friend , I know it is hard and you can just do what you can each day 

I find writting a list -- doing the important stuff and leaving the others until after 

what kind of birds have you got 

we got a pair of wild honeyeaters coming in trying to find a place to build their nest xx

[AFK]

Hi all,

@greenspace, he's out of hospital now, but feeling revolting from the treatment required. It's one of those situations where it gets worse before it gets better. To be honest, it's all a bit much for me to manage at the moment. To answer your question, yes the birds are bringing joy, they always do. They are very much the heart of this home.

Thanks @Shaz51. I'm trying with the self care, but you know the thing ADHD does best - hits "delete" on remembering any of that, especially when I have a million and one responsibilities to remember, no real filter for priorities and every one of those things is screaming to be top of the list. It's easy to say write a list and do the important stuff... it's all the important stuff, and the list is massive. My needs don't get a look in, or if I try it puts me behind on the other stuff, which in turn crowds out my needs for even longer. Ugly cycle. I wouldn't trade in my little family for anything, but so help me there isn't a worse model of person for being a carer. I just about need one of my own. Feeling pretty defeated at the moment.

Wish I could be more specific about my birds, they are distinctive and would identify me too easily. Suffice to say they are rescued wild birds, and they are perfect. The honeyeaters sound lovely. What cute little friends to have in your yard.