Does it get better?

[mariam1]

i’m not sure how i found this website but i obviously need to vent and not feel alone right now. i’m 24 this year and ive been suffering from depression since i was 11 years old. for as long as i remember ive always had this very empty feeling inside of me. felt different. grew up being bullied while dealing with my own trauma at home and became an adult which lead to worse. getting cheated on getting belittled never being chosen. i truly have tried my best these last two years to not give these things power and i no longer want to live in this shell where i constantly feel like a victim. but when it gets hard and im left alone all i can think about is why. why is it so hard and why am i so alone. why don’t things seem to be working out for me? witnessing family addiction ruined me. most days i can be strong and push through but there’s only so much one can do. there’s so many different things that have happened to me and all i can seem to think about rn is how much more is there to come?

[RiverSeal]

Hey @mariam1 thank you for sharing your experiences with the community!

It takes real courage to share your challenges, and you are being really brave reaching out to your peers here on the Forums. It's not easy to be vulnerable with the community, and I appreciate you sharing your story. 

You might like to also introduce yourself here: https://saneforums.org/t5/Welcome-and-getting-started/Welcome-Introduce-yourself-here/m-p/1149480 and other Members can get to know you!

We also have a Guided Recovery program that you might find beneficial, speaking with a Counsellor or Peer Support Worker for 7 1:1 sessions.

This is usually only available in certain postcodes, however access is being extended to our Forums community. We understand this isn't always suitable for people so you can check out the Guided Service here - Welcome to SANE’s Guided Recovery and decide if you want to pursue it.

Whenever you are ready, you can chat to SANE’s mental health support workers who can assist with a referral, simply call 1800 187 263 or chat on the webchat at sane.org and let them know that you were referred from forums. They can help you with questions and check things like whether you have enrolled before or not. They're available 10am – 8pm Mon-Fri.

I encourage you to continue to share your story and I believe the community will have some insights to share with you!

Take care

RiverSeal 

[Sbee]

Always when you start life your working your way out to work your way in is harder  in self help therapy. I had trouble starting an art so I worked out. @RiverSeal  maybe the ottomans didn't see the landscape outside the same?

[Sbee]

I care that you may have some light at the end of the tunnel @mariam1. self help and encouragement is. Try taking it day by day and fixing some small things and you may have goals for the future or wishes to work towards.

You may find you need help changing your situation.

Talk to the peer support people if and when your able sharing helps.They've lived situations that know what's required in my recovery journey they've helped.

[Sparky79]

Hi @mariam1, welcome to the forums, thankyou for having the courage to reach out and share your story with us.

I take my hat off to you for still having the strength to fight your depression for over 13 years! that alone is something you should be proud of, and yet you've been through so much more on top of that. I can definitely relate to the question of whether it gets better. Honestly if we didn't have hope of things improving what would be the point of even trying, even getting up and still fighting for those better times?. I have been doing a lot of meditating and listening to Buddhist teachings, so I apologise if I get a little too philosophical.

We can't stop bad things from happening, but we can control how we see them and how we react. There is something we can learn from every experience, something to be thankful for, if we look for it.

In regards to being alone, practise self love, self compassion, give yourself the love and care that you long for another to give to you (lmao I'm sitting here reading what I'm writing, thinking geez I really should listen to the advice I'm giving). Create a life you love, become something you love. Don't regret your past, it has made you the beautiful person you are today. As you create your life, doing things you like, you will meet like minded people whom will enhance your life, who you can share your joy with and they can share theirs with you. It doesn't mean that there won't be more hard times, but those hard times will give you the lessons to survive and avoid those hard times again. Don't forget you've made it through every experience that you thought you wouldn't make it through so far.

Don't torture yourself with past events as they can't be changed, don't get lost in dreams of the future and where you want to be, sure have an idea of what you would like, but all we have is the present moment, everything is in the now, focus on the now and the next immediate step to get yourself closer to where you want to be. Again the past has happened and can't be changed, the future is uncertain, we are all in the present, in the now, what we do now, affects where we will be tomorrow. So as long as you're trying your best, doing your best, then the effects will be positive. Don't forget you best isn't constant, it varies from day to day, some days you will feel like you can conquer the world and other days your best will be getting out of bed and basic self care.

Don't be afraid to reach out, there's usually someone here.

[ChrisTeaching]

It does get better, it can always get better. I've had the same problems as you and turned out I only needed someone going through the same things, someone who understands so we can push each other and help each other pull through. 

They did this study with mice, they placed a mouse alone with normal water and drugged water, the mouse immediately drank the poison until it unalived…
But then they made a safe space, added some toys like the hamster wheels where the mice can run and they put a few of them, they made a community. Put the same two waters, one normal and one with drugs, the consumption of the drugged water went from 100% to 0%

Humans need community and from my experience people are mostly unhappy because they cannot find where they belong. That’s where loneliness, anxiety, depression, sadness and other horrible stuff comes in, the same as the mouse, you’re alone so you’re coping with all the bad stuff.

So, my advice is to find someone who cares, a loving community or something, if you want to do it in person, go to a church or something, if you want to do it online there are specific apps that match you with someone of your interest and help you make friends, I think Australia has a new one called Kuky. You have this forum, you have us, here you also have a peer support programs...