I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I promised my psych that I’d get rid of certain things @rav3n.

I’m on the lounge but at least I have the tv on now. 

Im putting on Christmas lunch, so mum and dad will be here. Then they will be back for dinner. It’s going to be a long day. 

I’m thinking some bad things. 

What are you doing for Christmas? If you celebrate? 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm not officially online, but just wanted to pass by and say all the best for tomorrow and the day after. 

I look forward to catching up with you on the 2nd Jan 🙂

Take care and thanks for all the amazing chats so far this year.

Looking forward to hearing how things go, and seriously, don't expect too much and you'll never be disappointed.

Hugs

[rav3n]

@Captain24 do you want to try work on getting rid of them now? we can even turn it into a lil game if it helps - like you take a pic of each item your getting rid off, almost like a scavenger hunt? 

anything interesting on the tv?

ahh i see why you're feeling overwhelmed, i find having people over a lil stressful too. fingers crossed it goes well! 

i'm sorry to hear about the bad thoughts, i know it can be particularly intrusive under stress. you are only human, you deserve to be kind to yourself. i know its hard to speak kindly to ourselves during stressful times, but that's when you need it most. do you reckon its time to reach out to a crisis line?

honestly no idea what i'm doing for christmas. my family forgot i was working tonight and they already planned to go see the city lights with my family friends (which honestly i'm glad they did because i've already seen the lights and don't want to go again). i think the family friends might be staying over at mine for Christmas as well... very last minute plans 😅

[Captain24]

Hey @tyme 

Thank you so much for stopping by. It means a lot. 

Thank you for being you and all the support over the last year. 

Looking forward to many more chats. 

Hoping I can give you good updates. I like the don’t expect much. I can’t be disappointed. 

Thank you and enjoy your break. 

Looking forward to the 2nd

[Captain24]

Aahhh. They aren’t items I can post! @rav3n. 

I got rid of them. They are in the Otto bin. It was hard. But now I haven’t broken my promise. Just delayed it. 

Im watch firefly lane on Netflix. 

Overwhelmed is an understatement. 

I thought about it but I’m guessing they are really busy tonight. Lots of people are probably struggling. They are more important than me. I don’t want to take up someone’s spot. 

Oh I couldn’t do last minute plans. My anxiety is high with plans. I’d never cope with none! My anxiety is high as my brother is coming one weekend and I don’t know when it is. I can’t plan if I don’t know. 

Do you live with your parents or on your own? 

[rav3n]

ohh no worries @Captain24 YAYYY you got rid of them though!!! 

oo how are you liking firefly lane? 

you are just as deserving of support as everyone else calling!! they might be busy since its xmas eve but that doesn't mean you're any less important. please do reach out to them!

ahh yikes that's frustrating about not knowing which weekend your brother's going to show up! i don't mind a bit of spontaneity with my close friends but with everyone else i do prefer plans. i need time to mentally prepare for things, and also to save up social energy. i live with my parents at the moment, i really do want to move out but don't have enough $$$ for that yet. also i'm heading off soon, wanted to wish you happy holidays! i really hope everything goes well tomorrow - and no matter what happens, you are still worthy and deserving of good things. night 💜

[Captain24]

So I still haven’t showered.

I did take extra sleep meds. Hoping that they knock me out soon. 

I guess I’ll be regretting the not showering thing when I have to get up early and do it tomorrow before church. 

I am dreading the day that’s coming. As I know a lot of people are. I’m stressed that it won’t be up to mums standards. She has to always criticise something. 

I despise who I’m becoming. I feel

like im just a puppet on a string. Just do what everyone wants. Be who everyone wants me to be. The whole people pleaser. Always put everyone first. Never let myself just be who I am. I don’t even know who I am anymore. 

[rav3n]

that's okay @Captain24 you got rid of the items today, even if you shower tomorrow, that's totally fine. 

i've got a mum who constantly criticises me too so i understand how much those words would hurt you. please know that her words aren't a reflection of your worth or who you are. she doesn't know you as well as you know yourself. you got this. see you next time 💙

[Snowie]

Hey @Captain24 

Merry Christmas

I hope today goes ok for you hon. Remember it is ok to take some timeout if needed.

Sending lots of love and hugs 💗💗

[Captain24]

Hey @Snowie 

Im thinking of you today. I hope it goes ok for you. And I also hope you can get a little time out. Look after yourself first. 

I’ve got everything cooking and have tonight sorted. Mum is visiting my nans husband now so I have complete free time this afternoon. Tonight is going to be the hardest I think. Mum has invited extra people. But it’ll only be for about 3 hours. I think I can pretend that long.