I can’t cope

[Eve7]

Hi @Captain24 just dropping by with some love and really hoping today is better for you.

I'm in hospital too but hoping to go home soon. It does get better.

[Captain24]

Hey @Eve7 

I hope you get to go home. 

Thanks for the love. I just talked with one of the nurses and just cried. 

I hope it gets easier. 

[Eve7]

Hi @Captain24 . I’m going home as soon as my meds are sorted.

It will get easier, I promise but it’s very emotional at first. Sitting with you my friend.

[Captain24]

I want to go home.

I broke down in group when we were filling out the form for our schemas. 

My so called Pdoc was suppose to come and see me at 5 but hasn’t turned up. 

I want to give up. 

I don’t have anything left in me. 

Im just not worth the fight. Im not worth anything. That show in here.

[Jynx]

🥺🥺

Sending you some hugs @Captain24 🫂🫂

This is your little reminder that your thoughts are not absolute truth! Just because you feel you're not worth it, doesn't make it true. 

I'm sorry to hear the pdoc also hasn't showed. I can imagine that's only adding to your distress at the moment. 

You know... I think if there was a time or place to have a massive breakdown, this would be it! Because you know you'll be safe and don't have to be alone! It's okay to let everything out hun. Our emotions WANT to come out! 

[Captain24]

T/W Mention SH

So the Pdoc didn’t come today because I’ve been changed back to the other one that I was meant to be with when I came in. @Jynx. No one told me that either. 

Doesn’t this mess show that I’m nothing. No one can give me a straight answer. No one knows what is going on. No one tells me anything. 

I did have a big talk with one of the nurses today. I told her how I feel about the stuff around. I told her how it makes me feel. I told her I just want to go home. 

When I left group today the facilitator followed me. We talked too. So it’s not as though I haven’t reached out. I have but I still feel really hopeless.

My chest is so heavy. I just want to feel pain. I need to feel pain but I can’t in here. I have nothing. 

I need some help but I don’t know what anyone can do. Maybe I just go to bed. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 I can totally see how all the uncertainty would be playing into your mood at the moment darlin. Sense of safety, trust, and consistency are super important, and it might take a bit of time before you're able to feel settled and supported.

How did the nurse respond to you hun? I am glad you're talking it through with folks - is there anything they've said that brought you some comfort or reassurance? Something to bring your thoughts back to ya know? 

Don't forget the ice cubes or rubber band tricks, don't spose they're helpful (and accessible) for you? 

I am about to head off for the night hun, but I can pop by again tomorrow to check in if you like. Got the PGC on self-care tomorrow too if you have the energy 💜

[tyme]

Hugs @Captain24 .

Sorry it's so hard there. Please be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to have time to heal.

Know we are here for you. As hard as it is now, I hope you will feel more comfortable there soon.

Thinking of you. 

[Captain24]

Thanks @tyme @Jynx 

I went to bed super early last night. I just didn’t have anything left. Spending half the day crying is exhausting. 

The facilitator and nurse did really have much to say. Mostly just listened. They were both concerned about my Pdoc situation. 

They also told me they wouldn’t be happy when they came back in if I wasn’t here. They said I need to give it a little more time before I decide to leave. 

I got up this morning to watch the sunrise. I was trying to start the day right but it’s too overcast and raining. You can’t even see the sun. 

I didn’t do my homework last night,

I didn’t have the strength. There was no way I could come up with different self care. They don’t want the regular, go for a walk, they want out of the ordinary stuff.

Here I am rambling again. I’m sorry. 

[Captain24]

So I’m still really struggling and I said some really negative things in group. I don’t deserve self care was one and when we are talking about mindfulness and that I would rather go out side for mindfulness, one lady is adamant that we do guided meditation which I hate but I’m willing to sit through. I said it’s ok that I don’t matter what everyone else wants is more important. 

I did have a chat about not being able to leave the house, I’ve talked about my negative thoughts being facts and I’ve also mentioned that I have an ED.

I just had a chat to the nurse and she said self care is about finding what works for you. Just something little not looking to big or too far ahead of where you are. 

plus. I have a doctor’s appointment at some stage today with the doctor that I thought I was coming in under. She told me at morning tea.