I can’t cope

[Snowie]

Thats a good wish list to have @Captain24 and if you chip away at it every so often then thats even better. I hope in time you get them all, but then again the list probably gets new ones on it too!

[Jynx]

@Snowie haha need me an errand-running hubby!! 

You been doing any crafty type stuff lately Snowie? 

@Captain24 what is normal anyway? How does one 'feel' something that is a social construct? Just sayin!

Yeah I can relate!! I have always been soooo bored by sex scenes on tv. I usually tune out. It's one of the things that contributed to me identifying as asexual! Which I still do, but more ace-spectrum now. Demisexual is the one that seems to fit me best - and I don't have any emotional connection to random tv celebrities, hence no interest in their sexual escapades!! 

Noni Hazelhurst still floating about? I think she was on Playschool when I was a kid haha. 

Oh yeah it's a trip hey. Which is also kinda what @Snowie and I were talking on before - being radically kind because you never know what someone is struggling with underneath. I just wish it was a more commonly taught social value!! 

[Snowie]

oh @Jynx I haven't got a crafty bone in my body!! Even at school I hated art. Give me maths or chemistry any day.

The closet I ever get to crafty stuff is doing a word find!! I have got one of those colouring books that are meant to be good for distraction, but maybe one page is done.

[Captain24]

I know normal isn’t actually a thing. It comes in all shapes and sizes @Jynx. I actually wish I was more in tuned with it. At work.. because I don’t have a boyfriend I’m gay. Because I don’t participate in sexual conversation there is something wrong with me. One girl is so rude and crude that it makes the guys cringe. I just find it disgusting. 

She was on playschool when I was little too. I always liked her and I still watch stuff that she is in. 

It’s a hard trip. It’s exhausting to appear ok. To not withdraw and go quiet. I’m not very popular any way so withdrawing into my self distances me more. 

Im that person that walks down the street and smiles at most people. I’m always nice to the staff except if they are rude but I figure something has happened for them to feel that way. I spent 25 years in retail so I understand. 

Im having real trouble with my dogs. They haven’t stopped barking all day. All I have done is yell at them. I can’t trust myself to go near them as I feel like I could hurt them. They are pushing me too far. 

[Captain24]

I forgot to post this 

 

[Jynx]

@Snowie Haha fair enough! I used to think I wasn't that crafty, but turns out I just don't really vibe with painting or sketching. Gluing bits, slapping found objects together, that's more my style 😁

[Jynx]

@Captain24 It's a tricky one. We're wired to try our darndest to fit in, yet live in a world where 'fitting in' looks sooooo different for so many different people. Like... what if what the majority considers 'normal' is actually really uncomfortable for some? Or it's a downright lie, like saying that not having a boyfriend automatically dictates your sexual orientation! So then you got logic brain saying 'Hey, that's not true, you are wrong!' but survival brain is saying 'OMG don't disagree with them or they might not like you and then you'll be all alone!' - and then we're scrambling for approval even if we don't actually want to build relationships with them and don't care about what they think of us! 

Yo... I get it. I have yelled at my cats and hooooly crap I felt bad afterwards. But I know how much you love them and would never hurt them. They've been super riled up lately haven't they? Maybe a new cat moved into the neighbourhood!

[Captain24]

I just want to fit in @Jynx. I don’t want to be an outsider. I do get along with some of them but not a lot. I don’t like it when people put other people down even if it’s a joke. It hurts when they do it to me. It’s like ‘I’m doing my best’ I hate they I feel like this.

Sometimes I feel like it on here.. that I’m just trying to fit in. Sometimes I feel like I can’t be myself. That’s actually why I started Lego. To have something in common. It has grown into an addiction though. And trying different crafty stuff to have something different to offer so people aren’t bored with just one thing from me. 

I had a good chat with @tyme about my SI and it felt like a release to get it out within guidelines, there is more but it doesn’t align. But I feel like I shouldn’t talk about it too much because others might get sick of me and reject me. 

My dogs have been horrible. I could literally flog them. It scares me. My tolerance is just not there. I don’t know what is wrong with them. Pix just sat out in the backyard barking at nothing. Everyone someone walks past they bark. When one barks the other has too and they don’t even know what they are barking at. Maybe because today was cooler maybe more people were out. 

[tyme]

Aww @Captain24 ,

Hugs to you.

I hear you are hurting. I hear it is hard and I hear the dogs are damn painful!

At least your dog barks at people.... Ruby barks at her reflection on the door so I have to keep the blinds down...

Ruby is becoming more wary of people. There are certain people she'll growl at and stay away, and then there's those she licks to death... I don't even know what is going on in her head.

[Captain24]

It’s so hard @tyme 

My dogs are the same. I think they judge other people’s character. Now they are trying to smooch me as if they are sorry but I’m not up for that either. 

It’s good that Ruby is getting wary. It shows that she is growing and looking out for herself. 

I’ve just started coughing now! I guess Covid has gone to my chest. I can’t catch a break in anything.

What time do you leave tomorrow? How far is Sydney?