I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I had a nap. @Jynx 

I get the procrastinating. It’s not very helpful and then there is more to do so you procrastinate more. It’s a vicious cycle! 

Hormones suck… are they coming or going?

Is there anything you can do for yourself to help with the meh? Any self care? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 jealous!! I could do with one of those hehe. You wake up refreshed or like 'what year is it...?' levels of groggy? hehe

They do suck!! They are.... arrived? Like they are now officially going I suppose, cos usually the moody moods wear off by like day 2 or 3, and it's day 2 now. 

Hmmm probably.... let's see. Well I have already told myself it's okay not to have been out on a run today or done my bodyweight lifties cos I am in energy conservation mode.... I have my hot water bottle and my kitty cats here too. And most importantly I'm amongst friends!! Couldn't pick a better place to be vulnerable and ick than right here on the forums 😊

[Captain24]

I feel ok. @Jynx. It was kinda a ‘just because’ nap. I’m suppose to be working out how this whole med change is going but I’m really not helping myself to see if anything has changed.  I need to get myself together and stop doing stupid things and stop worrying about snakes. 

Just think you are coming through the hardest part. Onwards and upwards. That doesn’t really help in the moment though. Feeling for you though.

Sounds like you are looking out for yourself! I’m impressed 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 hey not your fault your observational period was interrupted by crisis. Not going to resolve much to guilt trip yourself about it, one thing at a time, no? Besides, isn't it the pdoc's job to make that assessment? 

It does help, this time round. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't hey, bizarre which things are gonna land nicely in the brain on which days! But yeah, been like 9th circle of hell levels of cranky and it will be nice when that abates. Also my wallet will be mad at me if I buy any more chocolate LOL

Aww thanks lovely!! I'm doin my best, just feel very lucky to have a workplace where I can come in and have a big whinge about my hormones and like.... it's chill haha. Thanks for listening, means the world 💜

[Captain24]

It’s hard as my psych asked me today if I had any side effects. @Jynx. I said it’s too hard to tell. With my bucket of shit exploding, my meltdown, my sudden terrifying fear of snakes and being at work. Just a little happening. 

I did say that I was singing to some songs and that I had ok times. Also a little confidence here and there. 

Mine surely must be getting ready to ease up. My old CM said because I’ve gotten a lot larger and have a hairy face and low mood, then that makes it obvious that I’m in perimenopause. But then she said it could also be POCS

I’m glad I don’t see her anymore. So much better out of comm health!

I don’t have anyone to talk to about the whole menopause thing as the time gets closer. I’m alright now but just a little concerned when there is noticeable changes. 

Whinge as much as you like or feel the need too. You deserve support just as much as the rest of us. I’m happy to listen all you need. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 a question you could ask yourself is whether you think things would have gone differently if there had been no med change prior to these events? Obvs hard to say but could be worth reflecting on!

Huh yeah mym mum was in her 50's I think, I figured 40's was a bit young? Could be PCOS, it's soooo under-diagnosed!! Couple of my friends have it, they took aaaaages and a LOT of self-advocacy to get diagnosed 😓

Hmm maybe start a thread about it? I think it's not an uncommon thing for some folks here! 

Aww you're the best!! Haha do you ever get the sense like... sometimes your period won't start until you've had some kind of emotional catharsis or epiphany? 

[Captain24]

I do wonder if I would have been worse off @Jynx but at the same time is it the new antidepressant that’s causing the anxiety? It’s so hard to know. To much happened all at once. I’ll just have to wait and see how things go. 

She made me feel really ugly. I know that I am but it made me feel worse. If it’s POCS it’s too late to worry about. 

My period is all over the shop. Never comes on time. The last in was a week late. I had booked a Pap smear appointment but had to cancel. I don’t always get emotional. I usually get really tired a week before hand but that’s about it. 

I know you struggle with it though and I feel for you. It must be so hard. Just adds to that side of you that you dislike. 

Someone has just let fireworks of really close by and Jett hasn’t stopped barking!!! 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 that's a good point hey, like some of them can get worse before they get better right? Boy, universe picked a bung of a time to send you some slithery challenges hey!! 

Ugh I'm sorry that she did that to you. You know what Cap, if we ever met, I bet I'd think you're gorgeous. Wanna know why? Cos in my formatyive years, I read a book called The Twits, by Roald Dahl. And in that book was this page, and this page has rung true for me my entire life:

Now I know you might think you don't have good thoughts - but what I want you to remember is that a) the way you treat other people is with nothing but goodness, always, so you DO SO have good thoughts and b) the crappy thoughts that you think about yourself aren't actually yours, they come from all the crappy things people have said to you over many many moons. 

So I think, without ever seeing your face, that you are downright beautiful. 💜

Psst.... I don't dislike any side of myself! I get frustrated with myself, I get annoyed at, I even judge myself and can be harsh and unaccepting when I ought to be forgiving and open. But dislike? Never again. Too much energy already wasted on disliking myself. Done with that. 

Noooo poor Jett, and poor you!! Your ears be ringing I imagine? Aww why people gotta be so careless!! 

[Captain24]

It’s hard because antidepressants and I don’t usually mix well @Jynx I will just work with the cards that are currently being dealt and work through things and see what’s on the other side. 

I do believe beauty comes from within but it’s hard to see it when it’s a disgusting surface to look at. Im not very good at good thoughts about others either. Im really self centred. I went to a beautician once and she said I had a lot of hair on my face and it’s ugly. It has always stuck and now I won’t go to a beautician. Then when my CM said that it just reaffirmed it. 

Thanks for thinking in that about me. I think you’d change your mind is you ever saw me.

I deeply deeply apologise. @Jynx. I just assumed and I totally shouldn’t have. Please accept my apologies. 

They have settled down finally but I was so loud! All the dogs in the area have settled too. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 well people just haven't been very nice to you have they! Which is what I mean, how are you supposed to believe anything else, when st00pid people have taken their crap out on you one too many times?!

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@Captain24 wrote:

I deeply deeply apologise. @Jynx. I just assumed and I totally shouldn’t have. Please accept my apologies. 

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Huh? I'm not mad lol. I got no need for an apology, I was just letting you know that you had made an incorrect assumption about me! Not grounds for me to become upset.

But I can understand completely - your system is probably used to people who DO get mad if you make an incorrect assumption about them, maybe? So it's okay, apology unnecessary, but accepted regardless. All is forgiven, no harm, no foul 😋

Phew!! Barktacular barktacular screening no more ahaha