I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I just had my psych appointment. @Jynx @Ru-bee 

It went really well. She was proud of what I have done in the last week. My afternoon slump could be because of not eating all day. I need to find activities to do in the afternoon that involves some sort of connection. Like walking the dogs and connecting with nature. Can’t walk the dogs at the moment with my snake phobia. 

Since she is from the south coast and I’m out in the country. She has been following the local community page. Just to see what’s around and what’s on in the area. That was nice that she cared enough. But she saw a post about getting a mental health support group. I didn’t see that post but I need to look it up. I’m not sure that I’m strong enough to go but I guess it’s worth looking into. 

[Shaz51]

So proud of you @Captain24 

You have come soo far here on the forum ❤️

[Ru-bee]

Good on you @Captain24!! I'm so glad that your psych was able to celebrate your wins with you and it's really lovely that she's also gone to the effort of joining that facebook group too, that's brought a smile to my face. You're right, it sounds like that support group is worth looking into, no harm in just checking it out 

[Captain24]

I am so lucky to have her as my psych. She really amazes me with how much she actually cares.

I just sent a messaged to the person that posted about the group. I don’t think it has started up yet but at least I’m trying to get more information @Ru-bee 

[rav3n]

catching up the posts now (also if i don't respond, its probably because i haven't checked my notifications yet/missed notifications - absolutely understand if you fall asleep/don't respond, there's no pressure at all)

tap sounds super fun, i love the sound of tap shoes clicking its sooo satisfying. wowww first place is in a solo is so amazing as well!! those pointe shoes always seemed uncomfortable/painful to me, but it must take a lot of skill to be able to dance with it!

eeek yeah so fair, i wouldn't want to go with that sorta friend too, especially when i'm trying doing something outside of my comfort zone. the gym instructor from the hospital sounds lovely, i like that she didn't keep you for too long - its much more comfy starting off short/slow. 

ohh how have i never heard the term 'media room' in house plan til now!? that's pretty cool though. 

nice to hear your psych apt went well today!!!

[Captain24]

It’s all good @rav3n. I k ow it’s hectic around here. 

Tap was so much fun. I even taught an 80 year old to tap. All she wanted to dance to was Michael Jackson! I even taught her to moon walk! 

I actually got my first place the day my uncle passed away! 

Pointe shoes hurt like hell… when you get better at it it doesn’t hurt as much. It takes a lot of practice especially at such an old age. 

No she’s definitely not the one. I do need to look into it though. Maybe it’ll be what I need to help boost me. 

My appointment did go really well. She was honest with me though that things may stay stagnant, continue to improve or go backwards. But she thinks I now have a benchmark. I didn’t tell her the depths of my thoughts at night though. I just told her that I spiral in the afternoons. I’m ashamed to admit that I can do so well for so much of the day and end up so bad at night. I haven’t even put on here how bad things get. 

I hope you had a good day. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 wow. Just, you amaze me. 

Look at how much effort you put into your space!! I did not even start lol but I was a bit too kaputt last night. I am not going to shame myself about it tho cos that will just extend the paralysis. I reckon I need to focus on one task first, and that's gonna be clearing my desk I think! 

And you expressed yourself honestly and look how many folks came to remind you that you're valued here! Warms me to the core.

With your arvo slumps, if going out nature is too overwhelming, what about taking dogs to like a dog park? Then there's other people around so like, snakes are gonna avoid a regularly travelled area like that. You got something like that within a reasonable distance?

I hope you find the support group info!! Maybe you could email the organisers and just see how they respond to an inquiry, see if you like their vibe? 

[Captain24]

Don’t get to excited @Jynx. I didn’t finish my job list for today. I’m too tired. I do have a beef curry in the slow cooker though and I have to make curried sausages soon. That’s just cause I need food for work. 

I went into one of the rooms today to get my laptop, that is put it it’s own spot, I felt really tall. The bed is much lower now that there isn’t so much shit on it! 

Clearing your desk sounds like a start but only in the time you are ready. I had to push myself to do my 2 rooms but I was sick of the mess. I was ready. I’m to tired and can’t face the 3rd room. So it can just wait until I’m ready. If you push too hard you’ll only beat yourself up and that’s counterproductive. 

It was nice to hear from others. That post still doesn’t have any comments so I feel really bad. 

Pix hates the dog park. She just sits near the seat with her head down and won’t interact. I even took her with a dog she was really close to and she wouldn’t even play with him. At my house they use to run wild. Plus it’s on the river bank so there is snakes! The best walking tracks are along the river and lots of people have seen snakes and it’s sign posted all along that snakes have been sighted in the area. 

I’ve sent a Facebook message to the organiser. So I’ll wait and see how that goes. 

How was your day? 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 ooh yum curried snags!! I'm having bangers and mash tonight my own self hahaha. I made tater and parsnip mash, extra creamy, garlic oil and butter 🤤 

Oopsie, got lost in that one haha I may be hungry my own self! 

We are totally helping each other to approach this monumental task of de-cluttering with as little shame collapse as possible and I am SO HERE FOR IT!! Thank you so much for your support hun, it means a lot!

OMG I should share a tip I saw recently from a meme 🤣

Imma try this approach for some of my excess crafting 'materials' - although actually like, material matters.... I can't sterilise paper but I can sterilise metal so oopsie now I have thrown away all my spare paper and kept useless spare screws lol hmmmm 😅

Oh which post? Would you be up for sharing here what you would want to post there? 

Fingies crossed! 

Day was aiight, picked up a prescription and went barefoot running! Love the grass in my tootsies hehe. 

Hmmm how about exploring suburbia? Literally just wandering along scoping out how people like to keep their gardens, imagining what kind of funky complex lives they lead that I will never know, stumbling on cool graffiti or unexpected cafes... More approachable? 

[rav3n]

appreciate you're understanding @Captain24 wish my thoughts could be instantly scanned into text form so i could to everyone faster (actually that's kinda got creepy ai-vibes so maybe not).

aww the 80-year old seems awesome, love her enthusiasm. i wanna learn the moon walk one day!

sounds like it was a bittersweet day? were you close with that uncle?

i've always wanted to try dance classes but i've been wayyyy too scared. i always assumed people who do ballet started when they were in primary school but hearing that you started as an adult makes me wanna give it a go... do you still dance at home?

gym defs has its pros and cons - i've noticed in myself and a few of my mates that its helped us in 'releasing' anger from our bodies. there's even boxing bags there that i occasionally hit for fun. so if you struggle with anger/resentment, it might be for you! but ofc there are alternatives, my friend prefers following youtube videos of pilates from the comfort of her living room. do you like yoga, pilates type of stuff?

that's good that she's being honest and realistic about what to expect!! that's happened with me too, the morning seems to be okay but the later it gets, the harder it is to sit with the thoughts/feelings. i'm sorry to hear its been really tough for you, and you're definitely not alone in struggling more at night - absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. there's probably a bunch of factors like med changes, weather changes/less sunlight, less productivity in night vs day, shift work, etc that probably contribute i reckon.

my day's been okay, got some things on my list done! finally booked my interstate flights for later this year so now i gotta find some accommodations (and ofc, every stay is expensive!) hope you're resting up! do you reckon tomorrow is going to be a 'nothing' day or got some things to get done?