I can’t cope

[Captain24]

I’m on hold @Jynx 

[Captain24]

I gave up. I couldn’t do it. I tried. Maybe it’s a sign that I just don’t belong anymore. Maybe I should just give up altogether. I’m not up for this anymore. @Jynx 

[Jynx]

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@Captain24 wrote:

I have the number up on my phone. @Jynx. I’m really scared. What are they going to tell me? Pat the dogs? Have a bath? I’m so scared. 

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You know what? They might! It's not about resolving it's about keeping you safe, and sometimes, and I'm not even exaggerating, sometimes going out to pat the dogs is what saves someone's life that night. Those tiny, crucial moments are everything, in my experience. 

Deep breaths hun. Proud of you for trying 💜

[Captain24]

You probably missed my post but I gave up. I’ve given up. @Jynx I don’t want to fight anymore

[Jynx]

@Captain24 orrrr it's a sign you're not ready, or you are finding the distress of calling higher than the distress of the SI atm, orrrr it's a sign that you need a different kind of support. 

Your thoughts are in HIGH black n white mode atm hun, that's your brain's survival mode and that's okay! 

It may feel like it's hopeless now but I promise you it ain't! 

[Captain24]

It is hopeless. I am useless. I’m too scared to talk. I can’t even tell

you @Jynx I can’t do this any longer. 

[Jynx]

@Captain24 Sent you an email hun 💜

[Captain24]

Responded @Jynx 

[Captain24]

I managed to get myself off the lounge. 

I couldn’t have a shower so I just got into bed. 

Pixie and Jett have been asleep most of the night and now I’ve put them on my bed they decide to play. 

Im feeling really vulnerable right now. Everything is so overwhelming. It’s all too much to deal with. I wish I wasn’t here to deal with it all. How easily I could just give in. I made a promise though. I keep my promises. I’m really regretting it right now though. 

Why does it all have to be so hard? I really hate who I am. I hate hate hate myself. Hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate