I can’t cope

[Jynx]

@Captain24 💜

Hope you see this tonight! 

 90 minutes is a marathon cry, well done!! It does get easier for sure, especially as you realise that every time it happens you DO come back from it, and you often feel that lil bit lighter. Sometimes LOADS lighter, like nowadays some of my cries are literally just like 10 minutes of hell then I feel completely regulated again within like, another 10 minutes. It's kinda wild going from bottom of pit to suddenly like 'oh... I'm okay. And kinda hungry'... lol.

But yeah it becomes less of a burdensome experience  each time you go through it. Takes time, it'll still suck for a lil while but - focus in on that feeling of pressure relieved, distress lowered, it'll help you remind yourself next time 💜

Aww thanks so much for saying that hun, that is so kind. Means the world to me to know that I have made a difference for you 😊

[tyme]

Are you around @Captain24 ?

[Captain24]

It was huge @Jynx 

You've made me cry before but it was just tears. This was extreme. Sobbing and all. 

I don’t want to go through all that again. It was too much, it hurt too much. It scared me.

I don’t feel as distressed today and yes, I do feel lighter. 

Through it all I realise I do now have a snake phobia. 

I meant what I said. 

I’ll catch you tomorrow night. Just hoping you get this. 

[Captain24]

I’m around now @tyme. I’ve not long gotten home. 

How are you? 

[tyme]

How was your shift? @Captain24 

[Captain24]

It was ok. Better than I expected. @tyme 

[tyme]

That's good to hear that it was better than expected @Captain24 .

LOL... makes me think of the statement this kid made once, "expect to be disappointed and you won't be disappointed" lol. 

Did you have to pick you babies up from your parents?

[Captain24]

After a massive breakdown last night and late getting to sleep, I was exhausted this morning and struggled to get out of bed and struggled to stay awake at work. I got 2 pretty good breaks so that helped and I got to chat to a guy that I consider a work buddy @tyme 

Mum drops the dogs in. She was a bit late tonight so I beat them home. Mum said when she came this morning to pick them up, as soon as she opened the back door they rushed out and ran around. Until my snake in counter, the back door was always left open for them. But now I’m too scared. They have been locked inside since and only allowed out under supervision! 

I did get snake deterrent sticks from Bunnings. I have put 2 in and still have 2 more to put in but I’m still not comfortable yet. The fear is causing me some distress. 

I saw the Pdoc and she is weaning me off my munchie meds and has added an antidepressant. I see her again in a couple of months and if things have improved she will do the ADHD assessment. 

I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and it was good she helped me to be able to distance myself from my best friends issues. (She came around yesterday!). My psych was going to work on the snake issue. I see it constantly. Every time I close my eyes, when I’m trying to sleep. All the time. But we didn’t have time in the appointment. My last psych I was trying to fill the time. This one I don’t have anywhere near enough time. I did really need her last night though. 

[tyme]

Sounds like you've got a lot you are working with at the moment @Captain24 .

What I used to do it write things down in between appointments because I'd 'forget' and then, in the session, I'd only focus on the most recent issue which is usually the one I am most emotionally attached to. This might be helpful for you. 

Oh, does that mean the dogs are usually roaming in and out and now they are stuck indoors? Is this why they bolted out? Did you tell your mum about the snakes? That's so scary. But then again, when the weather gets cooler, they may start their hybernation. 

I hope the tweak in meds is helpful for you. It has certainly been a journey and a half with your meds! Have you ever tried melatonin for sleep?

[Captain24]

So much is going on. It’s very overwhelming. My brain is just going around in circles. @tyme 

I wrote in my journal last night after everything settled down. I’m going to go back to it before Tuesday's appointment so I have notes ready to go! Normally I just see where the conversation takes us. But we always do work on a lot of stuff. 

Yeah. They always have access. Now they are like caged lions! Yeah. I rang her as soon as I found it. She is concerned too. I had to get her snake deterrents too. She is now thinking of her yard too now. Yeah. Snake season should be over but I guess not. On the post I wrote on the estates community page warned everyone that they are still around. 

Im hoping it works out this time. It’s all trail and error. She asked me what I have been on previously and I can’t remember all of them! With weaning of the munchie med she has replaced it with another sleeping med. O start that one when the munchie med is low and not working anymore. I do have melatonin here. I have used it in the past when I didn’t have anything else to help me sleep.