Hello, This is my first post on any forum about my problems. I'm wanting to talk with people who can give me some insight on where I go seeking help. I have been married previously, had kids, got divorced, had another relationship that I ended, the got married again. This has been over a 30 odd year period. I'm experiencing the same issues in our current marriage. We have been married for nearly 10 years. During this time, I have behaviours that have escalated. My wife, has subtly tried to point this out to my, but I didn't take any notice. These behaviours have worn her patience to the limit and now we are in a crisis. I would unintentionally embarrass my wife in public by looking at other women, trying to be funny and make conversations that were unnecessary with people who were trying to get their job done, boasted about my life experiences to the point that no one could have done as much as me. The last straw was her catching me watching online p*rnography. I have since stopped. We had not been intimate for quite some time. I would run my hands over her at night and feel her up to the point she would pull away and go to sleep. I have portrayed to her the image that all was well in our marriage and she honestly thought that we were happy. I made a deal out of having sex back in our life and then couldn't remain interested enough to satisfy her. Much of my sexual experience has been literally wham bam done. I finally admitted to myself that I have problems and have started seeing a councillor. I have had 4 sessions with this person and I don't feel like I'm making progress. My wife and I do talk about the sessions and she doesn't agree with what the councillor is telling me. I'm trying to be as honest as I can with them. I have spoken about the intimacy issues, the p*rnography, my ego, my need to please and so on. I had never intended to upset her so much and was oblivious to most of my behaviours. Her last partner was very bad to her and lied, cheated and embarrassed her.
I didn't have a good childhood, with domestic violence and heavy drinking, lack of male role model and mother's love. Her love and time was taken up mostly by a sick sibling. So my other sister and myself were left to our own devices. I'm the oldest and missed out on the most. I don't want to ramble on and on. Are these behaviours just in my head or can I really do something about them? I'm trying very hard to address my issues for the betterment of us both.
Thanks for reading.
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