Topic Tuesday / *NOW OPEN* / Caring for someone who struggles with drugs or alcohol

[Hobbit]

Hi @bigsister

I think it's great that you have come onto these forums to ask some advice. Have you or you parents confronted your brother about this? It can be very tricky to do this without seemingly 'making things worse', but sometimes these things really need to be talked about. Try to show your brother that you love him, and are just trying to do your best by him.

If you have already confronted him, and he is continuing to use despite the fact that it is causing problems is a problem in and of itself; it shows that substance use has become more important than the problems it causes. This is where you might need to try to ask him about changes, such as rehab, etc.

Also, it makes it harder when there is a mental illness involved, and in my experience, people are better equipped to work on recovery from their mental illness if their substance use problem is discovered and confronted early. 

Does this help at all? Let me know what you think.

David

[Fatima]

I welcome your input to my commentary posted on this forum

[NikNik]

@Fatima - it's nice to see you, not great it's under these circumstances.

At the moment we are talking about how to initiate a conversation with the person you care for. I know you mentioned your brother doesn't communicate - but has there been any discussion about his alcohol use up to this point?

[Jengay]

There needs to be a lot more facilities available to help sufferers together with their families.  The sufferer usually becomes very isolated as a result of their illness.  I live in an area of Sydney where there is no support group for either the sufferer or the family.  My son suffers from schizophrenia, is now in his thirties and has very little contact with people his own age.  He was diagnosed at 18 and I'm sure there are many more sufferers now so hence a growing need for more services.

[Hobbit]

Hi @Sophie44

That's a trick situation. I remember my father driving me to the bottle shop many times, just to keep the peace!! It is quite common for families of addicted people would likely do almost anything to make the person they love stop using, and yet, they often purchase the substances the addicts hold dear.

So in saying that, you are definately not alone!!

Keep in the conversation @Sophie44!!

David

[Fatima]

Sometimes I say to my brother he is drinking too much but he doesn't reply.. I let him drive my car to the bottle shop but perhaps this isn't such a good idea?

[NikNik]

David, your response to bigsister is a great starting point about how to approach our loved one we are concerned about. You mentioned
- Don't feel worried about 'making things worse'
- show your loved one unconditional love and this shows you just want the best for them
- Don't give up approaching the topic with them.

What about if our loved one relapses? How do we support them through this?

[Hobbit]

Hi everyone,

Well...tips on how to adress "the elphant in the room"

It's never easy to talk about something as sensitive and personal as drinking or drug use. And when you do, you'll probably put your friend or family member on the spot or cause hurt pride. They also may very likely become angry. But focus on the behaviour and consequences, not the person.

I think keep concentrating on what is happening to the person, rather than what they are doing is best. SO for example, you might say "I noticed you didn't go to work today....do you thiknk your job might be at risk". This is not telling the erson that they are hopeless, and= addict, no good, just confronting the specific reality.

This kind of talk can also lead into other, more consrtuctive comments, such as "do you think you missed work because you might have had a big night", etc

Basically it's always hard, but it's also something that we all need to do. 

David

[Sophie44]

Yes. We constantly encourage her to seek other ways of coping but when she is losing her mind and saying she just needs a drink, we are at such a loss of how to help.

[Former-Member]

Is it helpful for family members to become tea totallers themselves before raising the issue. If you enjoy the occasional social drink this can be raised as an issue in response.