Caring for an elderly, dying parent...

[MoonGal]

Oh @Sahara, You were magnificent through the last week, doing everything you possibly could to ensure your Dad was cared for. His passing was swift and I am so glad he was in hospital where he could be cared for at the last. So sorry for your loss. And it must also be a relief, it is allowed to be a relief. I wish you strength, mental calm and clarity in the coming days, and good communication skills between you and your siblings arranged his funeral and sort out his possessions and home.

Love and hugs. xx 

[Sahara]

Thanks @MoonGal, @Former-Member, @TAB, @Owlunar

yes, it is a sad blessing that now my Dad is at rest. He wanted to die; he had had enough of life.

I rang the hospice people this morning, trying to get onto a counselling service that I thought they offered.

As it turns out, they do offer a counselling service, so they are going to call me on Monday.

I really want to sit down, one-on-one with an experienced grief counsellor and tell them my experiences over the past few weeks.  I do not want to put in a complaint about the private hospital and the way they shoved my Dad out the door, nor do I want to put iin a formal complaint about the hospice people themselves.... as I still don't understand exactly what their role is. It was never expalined to me, nor did we actually see anything of them.

I believe that I really do need to talk through this for my own healing.

Still can't hardly believe that my Dad is really gone.

[Phoenix_Rising]

Hi @Sahara,

I'm really sorry to hear about the passing of your dad. It sounds like the last week in particular has been super difficult. I'm glad you can get some counselling support through the hospice. I hope you find it helpful. Are you aware that there is a national grief line? They offer grief counselling via phone and also online. http://griefline.org.au I'm thinking of you at this really difficult time. 

[TAB]

Hi @Sahara, was nearly finished with msg then got logged out .yay .. I hope counselling goes well and siblings come to the party. Well my sister actually was chatty before and shortly after mums passing. Hope bygones re siblings. Yes its a process re grieving. I managed to have good memories mostly, well when wasn't feeling sorry for myself I guess der . Hugs

[Sahara]

Thanks @Phoenix_Rising,

I just sent  the organisation you mentioned an email request to do some on-line counseling. It takes up to 48 hours. The sad thing is that although my siblings and I are getting along fine - we have plenty of arrangements to make-  I doubt we will ever talk about the circumstances regarding Dad being sent home in our care while we were unprepared for him. Nor will we speak about how difficult he made this for us. 

It's only ever going to be 'surface conversation' from now on. x

[TAB]

..and that's okay @ sahara .. if you let it be that way..lots of of things 'gone to grave' here re my mother ok was April last year. A bit surprised at speeches by clergy at church at the time, didn't leave much to the imagination, well if knew the people, and I did. Well, re Life of suffering quotes.. hmm yes father was/is dysfunctional ah .. and yes she may have had choices although limited. It's still complicated here if that makes sense. Im glag your father got peace and closure. I hope you get the same.

[Sahara]

Hi @TAB, that's great that you got along with your Sister around the time of your Mum's passing. People can become warm towards you, at this time. It's good to hear that you have fond memmories of her, too.

We are all getting along fine here, and have put our differences behind us, That's what we do, we just shut up and get on with things!

Still, there are so amny things I would like to talk about with someone who is objective....

I know my Sis and my Bro would just shut me down if I say something they don't want to hear. They would just say "no point in talking about it now". and "What's done is done" and stuff like that.

It has been that way my whole life.

[TAB]

Oh dear .. just felt a shudder that was m memory of angrily getting told to shut up or worse for trying to contribute to eulogy draft that was happening between sister and younger brother. Ouch. Anyhoo, gets me out of the next one and to be honest my father wasn't/isn't a nice person and I probably swap places with older brother for who gets the most anger yelling, complete and utter disrespect etc .. ok I win.. I just feel sorry for his circumstance at the moment more than for him personally. Make the most of the 'truce' re siblings.. and Reception went ok even tho saw people couldn't stand 20yrs ago re some of them and seriously questioned why they were even there. Ok in my head.
Be strong be good, it's ok to feel and feel out of sorts. I know you will be okay. Well and okay with grief counselling. You're a good daughter a good sister and a good person .
.. @Sahara

[NikNik]

Thinking of you @Sahara

[TAB]

Just checking in @Sahara .. you don't have to reply. Thinking of you