Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

Hi @Sahara,

I'm sorry I haven't responded in a while - It's been some time since I've been on the forums. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your dad.

Sending my deepest sympathies and big hugs your way!

[Sahara]

Thankyou @Appleblossom and @Former-Member,

I really appriciate your thoughts, I am doing ok. xxx

[Sahara]

Hi Everyone, @Former-Member, @Appleblossom, @TAB, @Former-Member. @MoonGal

I'm not on the forums much these days, but I thought I'd drop in, just to have a winge.... not about you guys, of course!

On the day of my Dad's funeral, I spoke to a social worker over the phone for some grief counselling; she was from the Hospice that was involved in my Dad's care. She was supposed to call me again last Monday- but she never called! She just up and dumped me for no reason. I guess she must be busy, but still, not even a text message or anything? I felt ignored.

I did sign up for online counselling with Griefline, but the same thing happened... I was dumped without any explanation! The first few times they got back to me within 72 hours (as per their policy) and were kind of helpful with advice, but the last email I sent.... no reply at all. Not even a "we're busy right now with 1,000 emails to answer." Just a big fat zero. That was a week ago. I have given up on them.

I now understand why everyone complains about getting access to mental health services! There is  such poor service out there... it makes you feel very small and insignificant, when you are just ignored and dumped like that.  By people who are supposed to care.

Luckily, I have had my sister, my husband and my best friend around me. Luckily, I am not alone and I am basically starting to recover. If this kind of thing had happened to someone who was truly unstable, then I can understand how they might throw in the towel. 

x

[TAB]

Hi @ sahara Ive been in bad ph reception are for a while and a bit to come. Thats sad re places that weren’t communicating. Glad you have support irl re husband etc.
sort or ironic that no one replied to this post yet. I saw it. Just cant reply til late at night when everyone else here gets off their phones. Hope you are okay

[MoonGal]

@Sahara - I have been offline for a couple of days, having issues with my elderly Mum and wayward brother. But I am so sorry to hear that the Hospice worker did not call you back for a pre-arranged call. or the Griefline, dropped you too. It must feel very isolating and I'd feel abandoned too. 😡 ♥️

Glad you have the support of family and partner. It's a tough gig, grief, you just have to go through it as best as you can. 🌹

~~~~~~ sending waves of comfort ~~~~~~ 

[Sahara]

Thank you @MoonGal and @TAB,

I am doing ok, please don't worry or anything!

@MoonGal, I hope your Mum is doing ok... and that your brother isn't giving you too much trouble. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. 

@TAB, that's ok about not replying sooner. To be honest, I haven't even been back on Sane forums to check for any replies, and I have turned off email notifications, so I wasn't aware if people were writing or not. Sorry to hear about your phone reception- it's the same here, where we live. You do get used to it.

I am actually doing better than I did when my Mum died 2 and a half years ago. I don't spend all day thinking over and over about my Dad.... only part of the day. 

I will probably email Griefline and see if they reply to me. I wont get my hopes up or anything!

One thing that has happened that sort of upset me is that I man I used to date 10 years ago has contacted me via facebook. For some reason, it made me feel angry, even though the message was respectful. That relationship ended badly and now (ten years later!) he wants to say sorry.

I might write a new post about this, as it has been bothering me.

x

[TAB]

Hi @Sahara .. I rang my father yesterday it couldn’t have gone worse just misunderstandings based on preconceptions which became scorn and derision from him
I don’t really want to contact him again after that. I’m so seriously pigeon holed and judged. I did good and he assumed bad and let loose on me. Sorta moaned to sister. Less than no sympathy. Well lets me off the hook. I owe them nothing 😎

[Sahara]

Hi @TAB,

I'm sorry to hear about the phone call with your Dad.. At least you tried and you can give yourself a pat on the back. Maybe try again next week? See how you feel.

We kind have to cut them a bit of slack when they are old and sick. I know that nothing really excuses rudeness, but honestly my Dad was the nicest man, but even he became grumpy and hard to deal with once he became sick. 

I know it is so hard because we just want love from our parents, not difficulties. I hope you are ok.

[TAB]

Thanks @Sahara .. for taking me ‘out of the moment’ yes next time may be better or maybe I just should do it and try to understand his situation its just that he’s been doing same thing for 30yrs ok yes being old and dying does make people nuts.
I hope you are okay 😀

[Sahara]

@TAB, I am doing ok. I have been a bit blue the last few days. It is hard to believe that both my parents are gone now....but it happens to everyone eventually... if you live into middle age, then you are going to experience the loss of your parents. 

I hear you... your Dad was difficult throughout your life. With me it was my Mum who was always difficult. We couldn't really get along. Sometimes you just have to accept that that is the way it is. My Mum was an unhappy woman. What could I do? Not much! 

I know it could have been a lot worse and I have come through it ok. You have  to focus on yourself every single day. You have to do the things that need to be done to get to where you want to be.

My advice (not that I am qualified to give advice) is to not focus too much on your parents.... you might never find peace if you do. You have to focus on your own life.