He stabbed my eldest 8 times nearly taking his life. What happened to me is nothing compared to that. I had chunks of hair ripped out of 2 spots on my head, lumps on my head from being hit & badly bruised ribs.
I see the front of my head every day & it makes me think of it again. I want to be able to stop doing that. Then I see my son & how he's still suffering & that brings it all back.
I'm trying so hard to not hate my attacker & to not feel so much anger but I can't. I've been asked if I'll ever forgive him & the short answer is no I won't. He knew what he was doing. He tried 3 different methods to take my eldest. He was drinking, taking prescription drugs & I'd say there were other drugs on board. His eyes were black. I'll never forget seeing that & him stabbing my son [edited by moderator]. It's something I keep seeing.
How do I channel my anger to something good or something more positive. I sure don't know.
I am really glad to see you talking about this, I can't imagine how painful this has been for you to carry... my gosh. Experiencing this level of trauma within your own family would be nothing short of heartbreaking. I know you are trying your hardest to move through this, to forgive and forget, but your anger is more than warranted. What happened to you isn't okay and you're allowed to feel all that you are feeling; no one deserves to be treated this way. I wonder if allowing yourself to feel and express this anger in a safe way could be helpful? Whether you punch or scream into a pillow, move your body, journal, cry, sing - perhaps allowing yourself an outlet to process (and not suppress) how you feel could be really helpful right now?
I am also wondering if you have people looking out for you or a therapist you can turn to? 💛
