Lived Experience Forum

[kelseaballerini]

Hi all, happy Tuesday. 

So I have crippling anxiety and ocd which was well managed for years until mid last year after a panic attack I had a major set back and I’m still no where near back on track. 
I can barely leave the house besides going to and from work (which is still iffy some days) due to panic attacks and emetophobia (I now constantly feel nauseous). I have had some wins over the last year but they’re so minuscule compared to what my life used to be I don’t feel like they are pushing me forward. 

ontop of all that, the incident at Bondi Junction over the weekend has caused me another massive set back. I’m very lucky to have not been involved, however it hits very close to home for me.
Since this my agoraphobia has increased to the worst it’s probably ever been and I’m terrified to even leave my front door. I can’t imagine how I’m going to get past another hurdle now and no one seems to understand the intensity and severity of how I’m feeling as I try to play a positive spin so nobody gets too concerned. 

I’ve been put up on my new meds as of the other day as the current solution and besides that I can’t see my pysch for another two weeks. when I do try and reach out to people I just think it’s frustrating to them and I don’t know what else to do. 

thanks for listening. 

[Jynx]

Hey @kelseaballerini sounds like these panic attacks are really impacting you. They really can be so paralysing hey. I'm sorry to hear that the recent incident at Bondi has shaken you so deeply. I know of so many folks, in this community and in my own life, who have been heavily impacted by this incident. I think it's okay to need some time to recover from those ripples. 

It sucks that you're unable to reach out to people because you're concerned you're frustrating them. I've found over time that these assumptions we make about how much we're burdening others are wrong far more often than they're right - and the only way to know for sure is to ask directly. I often give my friends the opportunity to tap out if what I'm sharing is particularly heavy. 

Do you have other supports, like a therapist or support worker who can be a point of safety for you right now? 

[kelseaballerini]

Thank you for your kind words 🙂 

the tap out option for friends is a really good point thank you! I think I’m so used to just playing it off and making jokes about it I’ve dug myself into a bit of a non serious hole and so when I do need to talk it out it comes as quite a shock. 

I can’t really touch base with my psychologist for two weeks but if anything ever became a serious issue in the meantime I do feel I have a doctor I could semi comfortably reach out to. Thank you for that reminder actually! 

I agree that I should allow myself some time to process it just feels like that’s a never ending occurrence. 

Thanks @Jynx @for the support 🙂

[Asgard]

Hi @kelseaballerini 

Read your story and @Jynx 's reply, sound advice as ever.  It is a difficult time for us all, but that is life, it sometimes seems that life is like a steeplechase with all these hurdles that we must jump as we navigate things.  Am sure that you have found safe places and pathways around you, try and venture out even for a wee bit, bring a friend if it helps.  You mentioned that you didn't want to impose on friends with your worries, your friends are your friends for a reason, they want the best for you, so listening to your worries is one way they are able to show that they are there for you.  Thinking of ye 🙂

[NatureLover]

Welcome, @kelseaballerini ....I'm sorry to hear 😢

I have agoraphobia too, I can leave the house but not go far or stay out long. 

Got to rush to a GP appt now, will catch up with you later...take care