I can’t cope

[Captain24]

Are the fruit trees hard to maintain? @tyme. Do you have to do anything? Other than that it sounds like an easy yard. 

I should get a gardener! How is the guy going in your house?

Where do you get those mats? Or where do you find the Kmart ones. Is it in like the sports section or something? I want to find something before I go down the wrong path. I am doing that badly. 

[tyme]

You may feel you are doing 'badly' but rather, you are not doing as well as what you were before. It doesn't mean you are doing 'badly'. 

I bought my mat from https://www.shaktimats.com.au/?gad_source=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI5Y2CjPCriQMV9TyDAx0tJznAEAAYASAAEgI2bf...

I don't know where the kmart ones are found. I'm guessing the sport section? I've read reviews which say the kmart ones are not as good, but it's more accessible I guess.

The mats help you 'feel'. Like really 'feel'. Some people stand on them every day.. I can't though. it's too painful. I like lying on it with my bare back and then 'rip' myself off. You get this hot sensation right through your back and the pain is somewhat soothing... 

The feeling is so so hard to explain. Watch the videos of it online.

Anyway, I'm heading off now, but will catch up tomorrow.

Take care!

[Captain24]

Thanks for chatting to me tonight @tyme  I really needed that tonight and the kick up the bum for a shower. I appreciate what you have done. Thank you

[tyme]

Hugs @Captain24  I know you can do it.

[Captain24]

I should have been asleep 2 hrs ago, that’s what I agreed to with my psych, but yet, I’m still awake. 

Im still really down. I can see that dark hole. I can feel the emptiness. 

The thoughts are the hardest. I don’t want all that noise. I don’t want it to happen again. I really am trying to stop it, even slow it down would be good. 

I guess I start tomorrow as a new day. Right now I wish there wasn’t a tomorrow. I am safe.