I can’t cope

[Captain24]

That sounds interesting. @tyme. You have a very interesting past. So many different things. 

I hate packing. But yes it’s so much easier to clean after packing. 

Yeah. It’s the dog sitter that doesn’t many payment. Both dogs loved them so I’m hoping they will again. 

[tyme]

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@Captain24 wrote:

The dark has swallowed me. It’s taking my soul. 

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Sit with it? Will it pass?

Last night, I was revved up. I ended up focusing on a long Smiling Mind mindfulness program just to unwind a bit. I wonder if this will help. 

I don't know how to teach it, but the more you do it, the more you learn to control your own mind. 

Our minds are too powerful if we let them wander. I'm and so fascinated by the brain - honestly. 

It can play tricks on us, but it can also be so powerful. I'm in such awe.

I believe in you.

And sorry, when you come in the suitcase, it's a very ugly colour but I did that on purpose so that it would stand out on the luggage carousel. I ALWAYS get the ugliest bags. I used to have a bright bright ladybird luggage bag. It was so ugly but I used it because it stood out like a sore thumb lol.

[Captain24]

It doesn’t feel like it’ll pass @tyme. It’s really bad. 

I really struggle with that stuff because I can’t stop the thoughts. It won’t quieten down. 

My mind isn’t being very nice. It’s telling me to do things. 

I can cope with an ugly bag. It suits the ugliness in me. It’s better when they stand out and it’s not the same as everyone else’s 

[tyme]

Lol. You crack me up.... yep! Go the ugliest bags!

I'll see you when I see you next! Sunday? You working? @Captain24 

[Captain24]

I don’t work until Monday so I’ll see you over the weekend. @tyme if the thoughts don’t win

[tyme]

I'll see you over the weekend @Captain24  🙂

Take care.

[Captain24]

The thoughts are too much. I reach out again. Twice in one night and I never reach out. Now I remember why. ‘Pat your dogs and you'll be ok’ if that was all it took then I’d be fine. They have sat on my lap for the last 3 hours. 

[Captain24]

Both my dogs are asleep on my bed. I wish I was able to sleep. Maybe all the noise in my head would stop. So much going on. So many unhelpful thoughts. I’m tired. I’m tired of fighting them. The ones that are telling me to do things. I just want it all to stop. The darkness is all over me. The depth of despair is enormous. It’s no way to live. Do I even want to live. I’m not sure if the answer. Part of me for my babies. But they are probably better off with out me. But I do love them. 

[Captain24]

 @tyme @Jynx