Lived Experience Forum

[Last-Lament]

@chibam  I so agree with your statement. 

We'd all like to have a miracle of our own, not be told we can bask in the light of someone else's. 

In my experience, you're correct, it's not a popular idea.

[Adge]

My siblings & my mother have maintained contact with my cousin who SA's me (as a child) @greenpea @Cathyblueknot @Daisydreamer @Former-Member Despite my having told each of them.

I never forgot.

I just never told anyone until my mid-40's.

My brothers & Mum have tried to force me to have contact with this cousin, who SA's me.

After I told them all - recently in fact.

The only person who fully believed & supported me (when I told him) was my Dad - He died, 5 years ago.

Adge

[greenpea]

@chibam  Hey chibam I am one of those who is stuck. I couldnt have used a better word.

[Daisydreamer]

@Cathyblueknot this next question is something we have heard a few times in the last 2 hours. 

Question 5: How do you start to live your life beyond trauma? And how can we manage the ongoing impact of trauma if it comes up again in future?

Again, I want to extend this question to all those following along as well.

[Cathyblueknot]

Question 5: How do you start to live your life beyond trauma? And how can we manage the ongoing impact of trauma if it comes up again in future?

It is not necessarily about never experiencing triggers but knowing that when they occur, that this is an experience from the past playing out. It is about using whatever tools you have acquired to calm your nervous system back down, tell yourself that you are safe in the present and that this is a memory from the past. You know what it is and can manage it. It is not about denying the trauma but about living a life worth living with its history.

It is about moving on from the dominance of the past, living as well as possible in the present and being able to envisage a future.

[Former-Member]

Question 5: How do you start to live your life beyond trauma? And how can we manage the ongoing impact of trauma if it comes up again in future?

Some people may experience post-traumatic growth- a positive type of transformative change after surviving trauma. This is something I’ve experienced myself and it can be deeply fulfilling and moving. I was exposed to unhealthy and abusive relationship dynamics for a lot of my life, and seeing that– and the hurt it caused– made me actively value the opposite in relationships: respect, kindness, and care. As a result I’ve come to form positive relationships and friendships, with zero tolerance for abuse. It’s made me emotional when partners have said they’ve felt safe with me, or when we resolve a conflict though a respectful discussion– it makes me realise I’ve manage to break an intergenerational cycle of abuse.

I wonder how anyone else has managed to live a fulfilling life after trauma, if you've gotten there yet?

[Daisydreamer]

That feeling of being "stuck" is important @greenpea and @chibam. It sounds like you have been able to relate to each other's experience here

[Adge]

Question 5: How do you start to live your life beyond trauma? And how can we manage the ongoing impact of trauma if it comes up again in future?

Well, connecting with people - & developing healthy relationships, is very important to recovering from trauma.

Grounding techniques & seeking support (feeling heard) - Is helpful in managing the ongoing impact of trauma.

Adge

[destructive]

@Cathyblueknot @Daisydreamer I know probably too big a question but 

How do you know then when something is a trigger and not just over reacting or something present so that you can tell yourself it's in the past. Especially if you don't remember much, have that amnesia you mentioned.

[Last-Lament]

@Daisydreamer  @Cathyblueknot 

I really need to ask this, but am wary of doing so. If needed, delete my question. 

What if you really AREN"T safe in the now? What if you are from a DV background (or similar) where the person who harmed you has/ continues to threaten you, and or, your children, with further harm? 

When you aren't safe anywhere where someone's innocuous words can let the other person (in a position of power to find you) know where you migth be?

Serious question with serious potential consequences.