I don't work @Shaz51 

I worked prior to my diagnosis in 2006 and I'm pretty sure I completed a University degree completely manic/mixed, but it was always very difficult. When I was first diagnosed it gutted me. I had a mental breakdown but wasn't hospitalised. I just suffered in silenced with shame and guilt. I lost all my friends, made the mistake of thinking my family would support me but got no support or even acknowledgment of my illness, even though I've been there for them every day of my life. 
I tried working again, but I really struggled. The stress and anxiety was excruciating. I've tried on meds and I went off them for 6 years, but circumstances brought me as close as I've come to ending it at the start of last year. My family is a driving nerve in my misery. I am 52 and been single all my life, I have serious trust issues with people and just don't mix socially with anyone. So working now is out of the question. It's ironic because I used to be a police officer, but now I cannot handle confrontation of any kind. So work is out of the question, so are relationships and even friendships. Since Aug last year I've been seeing a Tdoc again and we have covered a lot and he has helped me enormously but there's still a very long way to go. I'm starting to get out a bit now. I go the the pool and gym a few times a week. But I still don't mix with people. I'd like to eventually get a part time job, but that's a very distant goal. Since I've started back on meds, I will never go off them again. I can't take antidepressants at all cause they spike me immediately into mania. But anti psychs are working for me and I feel much more in control and able to handle any hiccups. My Tdoc has been a lifeline for me. Honestly been the difference between lying in bed all day watching TV and actually getting outside, exercising and starting to rebuild the broken parts of me. I know everyone is different, but for me the combination of meds and weekly therapy has been my salvation. 

Any one who has not been on meds and is worried. I hear you, I resisted meds for so very long out of fear, but all that did was prolong my misery and halt my progress of recovery. Yeah the side effects suck, but I personally have found if you are relatively strict with your diet and you exercise regularly a lot of those side effects can be mitigated. You don't have to turn into a health nut, just watch the junk food and go for a walk each day. If something doesn't work, try something new. You are in the driving seat. If your doc is not willing to listen to you, get another doc. Been there done that multiple times! Bipolar is hard freaking work every single day. There are no days off, it's exhausting and you always have to be on your guard, but the effort is worth it. At 36-50, I thought my life was a waste, at 51 I thought my life was over and very nearly ended it, at 52, I feel like I'm starting a new life, a new chapter. That's how quickly things can change for the better. So don't give up. Keep fighting. It's worth it, YOU are worth it!!! We all are!! 

BB🐰❤️