Hi @Captain24 ,

Welcome to the forums. It sounds like things are pretty low for you at the moment. It's a space many members here have been in. 

I have also been in that space where i pushed everyone away - but then I sunk into a deeper hole. 

What I've learnt from my experiences is that, like the weather, these feelings pass. It doesn't mean these feelings are any less real, but if I, or others, can sit with you through the toughest parts, the IS light ahead.

Do you have any supports around you?

I'd also like to direct you to some crisis services if you feel you need immediate support (SANE is NOT a crisis service):

Lifeline: 13 11 14

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467

If in immediate danger: 000 

Once again, a very warm welcome to the forums! We are all REAL people, with REAL emotions and REAL experiences to share.

tyme