I kinda had my hopes up that things would start to change. Instead I had to open up so many wounds. So much pain. So much to get nowhere. No diagnosis until my depressive episode has eased. It could be masking or creating symptoms. @Jynx I just wish it would all stop. I just want to stop. I want to be done. 9 days still feels like an eternity. But I see where you are coming from, it’s been so long but I wanted to see change straight up. 

I feel like I’m alone. Knowing you guys are here does help. I just feel like I’m a burden because I haven’t changed. I still feeling the same if not worse. Opening everything up made it so much worse. 

Im struggling so much with the voices they are relentless. It’s hard to change them, it’s hard to challenge them. It’s so hard to not believe them. It’s too hard. They are winning. Winning in so many ways. 

I had a Case manager that just kept telling me that it’s all my fault. I’m the one that’s making me feel like this. It’s my own self sabotage. It’s pretty triggering. It makes me feel like I’m just a failure and I deserve to feel like this. I hate that ‘self sabotage’ that to me means I make myself this way.