Setting boundaries....

I think the first thing we need to consider when setting bourndaries, is ask who are the bounadaries for. Are we setting boundaries for ourselves (I don't want to talk to you when you are intoxicated) or setting the boundary for the person (you will be able to make much more sense of our conversation if you are sober).

So the boundaries need to be clear. I think like any boundary, as like any goal we may set for ourselves, it needs to be flexible, but should also be a firm guideline. So a good idea might be to write down a set of guidelines and maybe have them somewhere where everyone can see them.

If it was me creating the boundaries and guidleines, I would also include myself in the responsibility of adhereing to them. So the example I have used of not talking while intoxicated, the guideline would also say something like "if you are intoxicated, I am not to encourage conversation or make any remarks either until you are sober. Only when you are sober can we both talk about this". That way the boundaries become sort of like a collaborative effort, and the person may be able to see that you are serious in doing this alongside them and with them.

You could even write something underneath each guideline, along the lines of "and we will both adhere to this guideline because we love each other"

Look at a boundary this way -  if the boundary is broken, then it's a really good chance to re-define the boundary, talk about why it's important ad start again. If the ersonis willing to try again, tell them how much comittment this actually shows.Remeber, addiction is a really difficult thing for everyone involved.